♥ Life never turns out the way you want it to be

♥Monday, 27 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

look at the chocolate and strawberry filling gushing out frm the doughnut..
make my saliva drool lo..and its cover in thick white and black chocolate..so yummy!

all the different types of flavour my sis bought~!

love the one coated in white chocolate the most with black chocolate filling!

Yippy~!won 65 bucks in mahjong ytd..definitely can last me thru tis wk..

Jus finished doing my nails n waiting for it to dry..

My sis bought one dozen of doughnuts back today...so yummy~!so chocolatey~!i wont have the energy to go queue up to buy doughnuts de lo..onli she will do tat.so the onli two times i ate the doughnut frm doughnut factory is both she buy back de.i love my sis.she came back so late so onli share 1 with her.tmr morning then eat more..hehe..

Today been nuaing the whole day at hme..so fast tmr mon again..back to sch again.. =(

shld be quite busy the whole of tis wk..wont be hme earli at all everyday..either wrking or lessons til 8pm..poor me..even wkends also got to wrk.. *sobz*

Watch zhuan jiao yu dao ai today..the part between her and tat guy(not xiaozhu) reminds me of the past..between me n him.Everything jus seems so sweet..tears started welling when i was watching the show and luckily no one was at hme..

*Y0ur life can be hell, your life can be dreams but it cant always be what it seems.*

*I don't understand,I thought I'm over you,But why do these tears... Keep fallin'*

*Someone call me a heart breaker today... But everything I learned about breaking hearts, came from him*

*Can you really forget someone you once loved, or do we just say that to believe we have*

♥Blogged @

12:32 am

♥Saturday, 25 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

A busy week for me..haven got time to blog at all.wats more to go bother about wat other ppl write in their blog..i have got much more better things to do than to reply back or to be angry.lalalaz..haha.. =P
No money left..thu nite wrk..all the money spend within one day in sch on fri. =( Japanese Language Proficiency Test cost me 27 bucks altogether plus the photos.i really need to wrk to earn money..any flexible relaxing part time job to intro..be escort or watever also can...haha...jus kidding..any ppl wan tutoring in maths find me..
Really need to get started on my fyp..everything is piling up..07 presentations,D04 assignment, 011 proj, fyp & D01 proj..already 3 wks into the sch term..so fast.. -_- maybe nxt wk shld start studying in mac after sch all the way til 10 pm at nite then go hme..tats the onli way to get me to start studying..
My feelings for now?neutral..when the tears come then it comes..when it stops then it stops..crying once in a while do soothe the bundled up feelings in me..i dun wan to control anymore..jus do wat i feel like doing n nv think much about it..
Later playing mahjong..hope i can win money frm my sis's fren to last me thru nxt wk.wakakaka..
Posted this new song which i found in my com..very cute song i like..
*If I disturbed you sorry I just want u 2 know that its difficult for me to forget you.*

*Looking back in the past, makes seeing the future so much more difficult*

*I cant forget you even though i know we're through*

*it hurts.. but i've gotta move on.*

♥Blogged @

1:16 pm

♥Monday, 20 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

sometimes i dunno wat people r thinking..i wrote a blog is not becos i wan ppl to read it but becos i wan to pen down my feelings n not having to confide to my frens n in future i can stil read back.as long as i understand wat i am writing so y does it matter if i am not expressive enough?i'm not trying to express myself to ppl thru tis blog.y does some ppl jus cant understand different ppl write blog for different reason?i have been thru hell for the past months n i haven notice wat ppl have been writing in their blog until recently.if they wanna comment in their own blog about wat i have got to say in my blog then its all up to them.as long as i feels gd doing wat i am doing.i dun care wat they think of me.of me being childish?of me having the thinking of a pri sch kid?if u wanna puke reading my blog then dun read..in the first place i nv ask for ur opinion or ask u to read it at all.afterall i'm not tat close with u n i dun ask for ur sympathy during tat period when i needed friends with me.maybe u jus haven met those frens tat r worth ur time..tats y u feel tat friendship are not forever..go reflect on tat point..maybe the problem all along lies with u...and not ur friends. i wont want to change ur thinking but dun always think that u r a saint..and goes ard acting like one. if u continue to do tat..no friends will be with u for long.tats the reason y friendship of urs dun last forever..

*Friends are there even when you cant see them.*

*Life without a friend is like a death without a witness.*

P.S:refer to missqiqi blog for version 2 of tis bitching

♥Blogged @

12:52 am

♥Sunday, 19 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

i dunno if i did the right thing by not advising him against it.i jus kept quiet.i 'm not in any position to give advice to anybody yet cos i myself haven found the true meaning of living in this world.at least he got the courage to choose the path he wan while i do not have it.i admire him for tat.didnt try to change his decision.i kno he was a stubborn person frm the way he talk to me.once he is determined to do something.i dun think anybody can change his mind.not even his family so definitely not me.maybe i will jus pray for him tat miracle will happen.but i think no miracle is gonna happen.he gonna face it sooner or later.there is no escape.jus hope tat i will c him back in sg in nov.everything is jus meant to be..life and death is predestined.

*Life is suffering for death is envitable.*

*You can't control ur life. You may be able to control ur grades, ur clothes, ur friends, But you can't control ur destiny.*

♥Blogged @

3:55 am

♥Saturday, 18 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

woke up so earli on a sat morning.went for a run consecutively for the past two days.whole body aching now.the tears came again..n my eyes was slightly swollen the nxt day when i was looking at myself in the mirror preparing to go sch.luckily its not obvious.haiz..so many things to do in sch.start on my fyp..revise on my jap lvl 2..start studying on the lects tat has been taught...n find some part time job.really no more money left for me to spend.ytd went for the first lvl 3 jap lesson..the teacher super enthu.dancing, jumping and shouting about the classrm.i first time go she already remember my name.so scary!!i missed suhama..she taught me for my first 2 lvl n she is such a lovable teacher.later going joo chiat road for tea session!!yippy!!!The world can be an unfriendly place for you...

*Dont judge me anymore..you've got no rights to change me just leave me alone thats all i want..*

*Why do we love the ones that ignore us and ignore the ones that love us?*

*i've grown numb to pain*

♥Blogged @

10:13 am

♥Thursday, 16 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

raining so heavily earli in the morning so in the end didnt go tampines to c doc about my skin.got to push til nxt tue again.its been a long time since i slept so long..was supposed to go for a run last nite but instead i slept since last nite 7 plus til now..more than 12 hrs of slp.physically n mentally so tired..tired of everything in life.ytd bought a make up remover at missha..feel tat its not so strong to remove my layers of thick make up to cover up my ugly face and ugly emotions inside of me.later going sch again for lessons.i'm so stressed..jus feel like sleeping all day long n nid not have to bother about sch things, life things, relationship things and so on..i'm really sooo tired...i wonder can i survive til i graduate...

*stuck in a moment i cant get out off*

♥Blogged @

10:30 am

♥Monday, 13 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

a few pics taken using piggy's phone at ktv ytd..kana scolded by her many times but i dun care..hahah..

hmm..so full now.went downstairs n ate those 7th month dinner thingy.sat with ppl i dunno at all.all my papa's fault.still ask my mama fren call me n irritate me go down.today was supposed to go running in the end tk in carbo instead of losing carbo.tis morning ate fish & co with qiqi..tmr botak jones!omg omg...nid to run on wed.tmr change of plans not going poly clinic c doc le...decided to go a clinic at tampines called maple clinic for a professional skin care doc maybe on thu morning.haven get the doc schedule frm my sis fren yet...still planning my own schedule for the week.deciding whether to tk jap lvl 3 tis sem.hmm..maybe i have been thinking of him alot tis few days...i saw a splitting image of him right in front of me on bus 179 today on the way to sch!so scary lo!tat guy was sitting directly facing me while i was standing on the crowded bus.got to stop it!if not i will c images of him everywhere i go.

*And every time the phone rings or i get a text i always kidd myself into thinking tat its him*

*To Him Im Just Unknown*

*She looks in the mirror, and all she sees is a ruined life, and a broken heart, and him.*

*Every person needs to cry sometime but when is it my turn to stop..*

*Loving someone that doesn't love you back is more painful & lonely then finding someone to love.*

♥Blogged @

11:37 pm

♥Sunday, 12 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

jus got back hme frm qi hse.haven slept a wink yet.was playing 3 leg mahjong overnite.won 20 bucks in total n poor qiqi lost near 50 bucks.liteng stil ask me hows my bf....huh....make me think of him for the whole nite all the way til now.thought everyone knows already n i think she is the onli one stil so blur.i kno he is definitely over me by now.yet y am i stil thinking of the past so often wishing time jus stop there n then.am i stil waiting?or have i totally given up on myself? or have i totally given up on him?i really dunno the ans..its been nearly 2 months.i dun wish for anything more now.jus dun make me fall like before.my throat stil hurt n i stil ate a lot of heaty food.jus suddenly got the craving this few days.my face is getting frm bad to worse.i really nid to c a doc asap.tat will be tue morning before i go sch for lessons.stupid kim put me aeroplace ytd..in the end nv go shopping..last min say headache..so fed up!!argh!!vent my anger thru sms at her..in the end feel so bad for doing tat n apologized.i hate ppl putting me aeroplane!

*Time is a funny thing indeed, we find that when it's over, it's the only thing we need.*

*They say it's bad to live in hope..but it's better than living in a memory..*

*i have to sit at home pretendin im okay even though i'm not*

*Trying to forget is like committing suicide.Painful and unforgettable..*

♥Blogged @

10:07 am

♥Saturday, 11 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

no voice!!been having sore throat for the whole wk but die die dun wan go c doc.waste of money.now no voice.stil ate chocolate last nite.been a long time since i ate kinda bueno.the last time was?2 months ago?the ones he bought for me?its been 1 month n 3 wks gone..wed went to DBL O n drink smoke vomit, drink smoke vomit again.hahaha..vomit til nothing come out n no more voice left.in the end my fren on the way came n send me hme n left the drunk "la bi xiao xin" in the hands of piggy n sort.saw my cousin at DBL O.so weird cos i not very close with him one but he stil recognised me.saw janice queueing up to go in when i was going off too.the nxt day sheeqah also say she saw me there.haha..luckily didnt see ppl tat i dun wan to.danced with a stranger when waiting for the gals to tk drinks cos he say i look bored(tats because i jus vomited!).haha..went for dinner last nite with TOS ppl..n it was a free dinner at fei cui.cos feiling say i stil student dun wan me pay.she always like tat de..abit paiseh.but of course happy dun nid pay!haha..considering shld i buy a spare batt for my 6300 since i am going far east later..hmm...stil have a few hrs more to decide..i miss eating botak jones!who wan go eat with me??!!

*I was once like you. Happy...friendly...enjoying life. But then I got my first taste of sorrow. After that...life will just continue to shove spoonful after spoonful down your throat.*

*On the outside.I'm happy.All the smiles are fake,And laughs as well.
On the outside.I'm giggly,precious,and sweet.
On the outside.Its not really me...*

♥Blogged @

1:17 pm

♥Wednesday, 8 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

wth!earli morning wake up wan go sch in the end diarrhoea.now sitting at hme wait for the pain to go away before i go for my nxt lesson at 1030.dunno y my stomach is so swollen now like i jus ate alot of things but in fact i didnt ate anything.thought everything is ok ytd liao cos theres no pain or diarrhoea but who knos today is back again.it is like the devil tat keep coming back. =(

*Darkness Has Set In It Surrounds My Every Limb, There's A Cliff Set In The Night And I'm Sat On The Rim.*

♥Blogged @

8:48 am

♥

Dear Diary ♥

jus got back frm wrk.such a boring dinner.SIA appreciation dinner. -_- no handsome guys or pretty ladies to c.no show to watch.ah mei say i slim down le!!hahaha.. =P stil ask me y i nv put on weight when i go piggy side wrk..reason is cos i am not piggy.shld things carry on or jus put a stop to it?i think it is gonna be beyond my control..cos nuttin is within my control frm the starting..life is like tis..i guess i am not as strong as i thought i am..There's no escape from this nightmare..i miss my old life.

*when it gets to the point where u love him so much that it hurts, its time to let go*

*When your tears just could not shed, you are absolutely bearing more terrible sorrows in your heart.*

*He did the one thing i will never do.get over what we nvr rly had...*

*Why does my heart long for someone who makes it hurt so much?*

*你追问我的行踪
你在乎我的举动
哄得我泪眼迷蒙
做些事情让我被感动
望著你突然一阵心痛
一次又一次任那感情放纵
你的脆弱让我走不开
你的依赖所以我存在
想著你还是想到心痛
期待我做的将来你都会懂
有一天真如我有一天
但愿我还在你记忆中*

♥Blogged @

1:50 am

♥Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

argh!jus vomited wat i had for dinner the only meal i had for the whole day..everything jus comes out..shldnt have spend the money to eat dinner.went for a run n it didnt do anything to stop the tears tat is coming.jus sat at the fitness corner n cried til no more tears is coming out.stomach is stil so uneasy now..didnt eat anything but jus keep burping until i feel like vomiting n get it over n done with.tmr wil be in sch in the noon then back to ST to earn money.no choice..going broke.sometimes i jus wish i am born in a rich family.i have seen friendship broken due to money.i do not wish tat to happen to me.so sometimes i jus choose to open one eye n close one eye plus i am soft hearted(or maybe coward?) n i dun wish to make a mountain out of a mole hill.y does some ppl have to c money as so important..so i hate lending money to frens n borrowing frm frens as well.i hate my frens lending money to their frens too..jus seen many of tis things happening ard me..not once..not twice but many many times.not to one fren but more than one frens.Life is like jail, you're only here to do you're time...

*The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go.*

*I once loved.I once wanted.And I once believed the word hope.But now I am crashed.Waiting to see these wars grow cold.*

*Just Washing It Aside.All Of The Helplessness Inside.Pretending I don't Feel Misplaced.It's So Much Simpler Than Change.*

*He just sits there in my mind, all our memories we had together, i compare everything to him, everything any other guy does...... it's just that he reset my standard for love.*

*At night i pray that soon your face will fade away..*

♥Blogged @

1:28 am

♥Monday, 6 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

supposed to be in sch now..but i'm feeling so weak in the morning when i wake up.stomach still giving me problems.had a diarrhoea jus now.will go for noon lessons i guess.haiz.i rather hope i die than i sick.will make a trip to westmall later to get the length of my jeans amended.

*I'm all out of faith.
This is how I feel.
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor.
Illusion never changed into something real.
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.
You're a little late.
I'm already torn*

*I will never recover from this.i will never believe in this again.i can never go back to the way i used to be before this started...*

*I'm gonna smile like Nothings wrong.Talk like Everything's perfect,Act like it's just a dream.Pretend it isn't Hurting me.*

*There are times when you fall,And you simply refuse to get up,For you fear when you do,You'll just fall yet again...*

♥Blogged @

11:45 am

♥Sunday, 5 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

jus got back frm KL.went there simply to relax.feeling so sickly.slping throughout the trip hme.haiz..2 times in a month.stomach pain..whole body weak..inside warm outside cold.feel like vomiting when i c food...its like i'm so full when the whole day i onli ate 1/4 of a bowl of porridge.now my stomach n whole body is stil so weak.tmr sch start le..haiz.hate sch.when is this period gonna be over.everything still haunts me..everything stil lingers in my mind..everything jus wont go away..been doing alot of things tat i shldn't be doing..smoking..drinking..n many more..there r jus too many things..life will nv be the same again..

"This is a constant battle, a rollercoaster. Hope, Loss. Weak, Strong. Confidence, Need. I still love him. I hate him. It's a rollercoaster that won't stop, and I wanna get off."

*I want to say I hate you but I can't bering myself to do it because I know it would be lie...*

*You said you were mine but you were really someone else's.*

*What a silly girl, she actually thought you were her happy ending*

♥Blogged @

10:10 pm

♥Saturday, 4 August 2007

Dear Diary ♥

have been missing for days.jus didnt have the time to come online to blog.make myself so busy tat i dun even have enough slp lately.jus came back frm a drinking session at paulaner with ying, adel, liwen and her frens.me, ying n adel cant decide where to drink.went to balcony but the seats are so uncomfortable until liwen msg me n ask me to go suntec there for a drink.went with sort n sand to DBL O to club on wed nite..the both of them got drunk n i got to look after them.stil remember one and a half month ago i was the one getting drunk n them looking after me.haiz..then slept for less than 2 hrs and went to wrk again.today is my last day at wrk..sch starting on mon.sucks sucks sucks..my fyp prof even email me n i haven got the time to reply him.will reply him when i come back on sun i guess.tmr going KL for the wkend with frens..jus to relax before the sch starts.setting out earli in the morning n yet i am stil here blogging haven even pack my things yet.my life is in such a mess now.no one can tidy up tis mess other than me myself.jus let me enjoy life to the last moment when sch reopen before i do something.coming wed going DBL O again...haha..every wk is clubbing clubbing n clubbing..although i am quite broke but i dun care.make myself numb numb n numb.no one can come into my life again and disrupt it anymore.because my heart is cold now.

*Why is it that; We want what we can't have.We cry over the one's that wouldn't shed one tear for us & don't wish to have us.That we LOVE the one's that cause us so much pain*

*I wish we can go back to the times you held me close and it felt like you'd never let go, but all I have now is the cold memory of you walking away*

*Everytime I see him all cool, calm and collected, I lose my breath, my heart starts pounding, and I am painfully aware that I am not over him and he is over me.*

*Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt i've felt, letting go is the hardest yet...*

*哪怕最后的结果遗憾
也不怕也不管拥抱时心跳多么的乱
就算恋情多么短暂
回忆也有存进去脑海保管
记得住曾经温暖如果还剩一点伤感
时间会冲淡
这个城市好孤单
每个女人全都在学着习惯
得到时有负担失去后会心寒
眺望着爱情两眼欲穿*

♥Blogged @

2:13 am