♥ Life never turns out the way you want it to be

♥

Dear Diary ♥

ate 3 piece of chicken for dinner.so fattening.went geylang with my sis n her bf to eat some sort of kfc but it definitely taste better than tat n more expensive of course before going clubbing.was supposed to meet ying n nette for a while before going clubbing but slack too long at hme n cannot make it in time to meet them.sorry gers for tat.hope u all dun angry.didnt went velvet dragon today instead went dragonfly.it was damn boring.before i left the hse my bro also told me he going there.luckily i didnt met him.although there is a live band but mostly uncles there.its like everybody is standing there n watching the live band n singers n dancers on stage.like those 7th month "ge tai".omg omg omg!tats something i learnt lately.wahahax =P went off quite earli at ard 12 plus near 1.stil wanted to go other places with feiling but jus dunno where to go.so she went hme instead n i was hanging ard alone outside.again dun feel like going hme.even went to little guilin to walk walk.onli got hme not long ago.today also finally met up with someone after a long time.he has been asking me out but i always turn him down.haha..sorry for that.dunno when wil be the nxt time to meet up again cos he is more busy than me.always flying ard.coming wed i wan go club again but who will be the kind soul to go with me? *sobz* i wish there was a rainbow to this path but all i see are grey skies..

*You were right as always.[{ You are too good for me.}] it's just sad that I didn't realize it sooner.*

*Have you ever felt like me?or am I just alone today?trying to forget all the memories that still kill me everyday.*

*I'm walking away..an invisible object in his fairy-tale world.*

*A million words would not bring anything back, I know, because Ive tried. Neither would a million tears. I know, because Ive cried.*

♥Blogged @

4:33 am

♥Saturday, 28 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

woah!haven been blogging for a few days.everyday make myself busy, came hme late then went to slp.nxt morning go wrk.totally no time blog.ytd got my fyp project allocation out..got my first choice plus i believe a gd prof to guide me.although i did the registration last min n 2 other people is competing with me for tis project.tis is the onli gd thing tat has happened for the past few months.but i am not at all happy or delighted.i'm so feelingless.tis is gonna be my last hols n tis is also the worse hols i have had.left one wk to enjoy.on thu nite was supposed to wrk instead went waraku at orchard with ying, nette, junli, huiyi, ah mei, alex n shengfu.so irritated with the ppl there cos they told us no bking after 7 then ask us walk in, in the end we walk in they say we must bk.so in the end they gave us a VIP rm(tatami) and a complimentary ice cream.haha..tats the benefit of complaining.hmm..went facial jus now.didnt put make up n took the train n bus hme.it was so packed but i dun care.going clubbing tonite at velvet dragon with attachment colleagues..hope no coincidences happened.stil thinking whether to go bugis look for nette n ying to walk walk a while before meeting them.cos i really no money left.n tonite clubbing is my attachment admin wanna treat me de.been spending alot for the past two wks.went shopping with ying after wrk last nite at marina square but didnt buy anything cos no money.after marina square, we stil went orchard ard 10 cos we thought there is midnight shopping becos last nite is the last fri of the month but in the end onli wisma is open.in the office ytd, one of the colleagues keep asking ying to upload a song into his blog.dun understand y so many ppl put tis song in their blog.3rd person i kno.it used to mean something to me..but now to me in life everything r jus lies.i hate i, myself, n me..hate love..hate guys..hate everything tat has happened and is gonna happened cos i kno nuttin is gd..hate sch..hate wrk..hate life.i onli love my frens and money and maybe family.frens keep me company n is there when i needed them..money keep me materially satisfied...family i dunno... -_- its been one month n one wk gone..i dunno if i am getting over the thing or jus getting used to the pain..cos my heart stil aches everyday but i chooses to ignore it..n let it die frm all feelings of love...

*I had a nightmare last night it was that we will never have another chance, then i woke up and realized,i was living that nightmare*

*You know we both said it "i love you" "i love you too." the only difference? i didn't lie*

*He tried so hard to get her back after he realized she had moved on and she turned to him and said " im with him now, you had your chance but you broke me and HE was there to pick up my pieces"*

*Wat can i say we have so many memories so many things 2 look bac on i learned so much from you and gained so much.i loved the way you made me laugh i hated the way u made me cry,& wat i hated most was when u said goodbye...*

♥Blogged @

5:23 pm

♥Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

its been a long long time...feel so feverish, giddy, weak and tired now.think a fever is coming.feeling so cold.nid to turn in really earli today if not cant go to wrk tmr.tmr is a long day..after office job nid to go hotel wrk.but no matter how sick i am i wil go wrk.could be due to not enough slp for the past wks.went to sch for exam today.didnt study much for tis paper...i think less than an hr n was even late for the paper.everybody was already seated down but i went in on the dot when the paper was starting n everybody was looking at me when i walk in.nuttin matters now not even if i failed tis paper.hah..went westmall jus now..quite scared to go there nowadays cos tats the place he frequent and i am afraid to run into him..n if i do i think i nid another one month to get over it.i was unlucky once..hope i am not tat sway again..

*y cant life be a cinderella story?*

*We're all unlucky in love sometimes. When you are, go jogging. The body loses water when you jog, so you have none left for tears. *

*What do you do when you make someone your everything?But yet you are nothing more than a name to them.*

*The hardest thing to do in life is watch the one you love hurt over someone else and yet u cant do anything.*

♥Blogged @

7:27 pm

♥Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

tmr exam n yet i haven study!! =( feel like going for a run but no time cos i got lots of things to do now.haiz...today last day for fyp selection..now doing last min work.so tired n slpy now but cant sleep so earli for tonite..onli slept about 4 hrs everyday for the past few days.finished fyp selection then later nid to study.lucky tmr is noon paper.dunno anyone wanna go clubbing tmr nite or not.hmm..been 2 or 3 wks since i last went.nvm sat clubbing with attachment fren n colleagues at dragonfly.sianz sianz sianz for now....

*I wish I could just crackmy head open, take out my brain and surgically remove all of the thoughts I ever had of you.*

*You never thought about my side of the story, Maybe if loving you is so wrong, Then maybe I dont wanna be right.*

*Its funny how when you are with someone all you can think about is the future,but when you are apart you can only think about the past...*

*Hands Touch, Eyes meet, Sudden Silence, Sudden heat, Hearts leap in a giddy whirl.He could be that boy, but I'm not that girl *

♥Blogged @

8:25 pm

♥Monday, 23 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

went for another run today to release stress.run my sec sch cross country road n it used to look so long but it is like nothing to me today.maybe too numb to feel anything.haiz..read something which i shldnt have early in the morning n make myself so miserable throughout the day.luckily no one saw my teary eyes in the office.n i manage to control myself.on the way hme..was walking n crying under the rain so no one can c me cry.i kno i shldnt bother about anything to do with him anymore but i cant control myself.life is always not under our control..i am yearning over something which i kno i cannot get forever..n its the same for him but maybe he is more lucky than me?i hope he does..even if i am not happy..i wish he is in a better state than me cos i kno tis feeling is no gd..n i dun wan any of my frens to be the same as me.posted a new song.tis is one of the songs he send me.always cried whenever i sing tis song in ktv.these sentences really describes how i feel..coffee cant numb the feelings in me..it onli makes the nite longer..i am lost in the big city..drifting aimlessly and looking for someone tat i can hold on to.

*My heart is broken,my soul is bashed...why is it the only person who can help me,doesnt even see the pain they put me in..*

*How can i listen to my mind say"give up. say goodbye. and walk away."when my heart is sayin"you're gonna love him anyway??"*

*You used to sleep, dreaming about falling in love.
Now you are scared to sleep, cos u are scared to dream of him*

*Which hurts more..Thinking you should hate him?Or knowing that you can't?*

♥Blogged @

11:20 pm

♥Sunday, 22 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

when i think alot, i start to blog a number of times in a day..haiz..suddenly feel like crying jus now n now as well.wat is happening to me??????!!!!!!!!!jus went for a drink at the coffeeshop at the back with a fren staying near me...its jus a few blks away n we drove there.kinda weird huh..anyway its been a long time since i met up with him n i needed to leave my hse for a while so y not.almost cried in front of him when he keep questioning me.but he saw the tears in my eyes tat is almost about to fall n he immediately stop.n i had to force back the tears that is already there.he keep having doubts tat how can it be possible for me to sink so deep within two wks...but i really did.neither do i wan tis to happen..but it already did happened...how can i explain for tis?i am stupid?gullible?emotional?he told me if i really cant get over it..go hme n slit my wrist then call for the ambulance..such a weird thing to hear it frm my fren.but i wont do it...if i wanted to do it i would have done it one month ago n not now.left two days to choose my fyp.haiz..hope i dun make the wrong selection..i scared i get a shitty prof as well as a shitty project.but all is left to fate..heaven haven been treating me tat gd..jus pray tat tis time it will treat me better..

*Every tear tells a story*

*Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to see if it was even worth it*

*She looks in the mirror as she wipes away her running mascara and whispers Im so stupid.*

♥Blogged @

3:10 am

♥Saturday, 21 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

jus woke up frm a long slp.haven had so many hrs of slp already.went to eat botak jones ytd at amk with ying, nette, juan, huiyi, alex n junli.the food taste real gd but the portion is really very big.me, ying n nette shared a chicken, steak, sausage, soup n a super spicy dish(dunno call wat).me n ying eat til wanna vomit n nette stil say not full yet.skinny ppl can really eat n yet they dun grow fat.tats wat i envy about them.exactly one month=4 weeks has already gone by.n i dun feel gd today.all the memories are stil so fresh.my fren said all u needed is half the time tat u are together with him to get over him.i am with him for less than 2 wks..but i am using already more than one month to get over it??i still missed him alot..i dun wan to.n i dun wan him to c the weak side of me.but i jus wanna say it out.hate tis feeling.argh!!!!stil went to read his blog n look back to the posts he posted when we r together.feel so stupid but i jus cannot control myself.making myself more miserable.y cant we even be frens now?i kno i needed to stay at hme n study for my paper on wed but i ask my fren out again.how?i jus dun wan to stay at hme.maybe going out to chill tonite with yippy cos i think she also dun feel gd lately n neither do i.but we r stuck between wanting to go out or not to go out..so lets c...

*You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.*

*I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most. *

*Isn't it funny how a heart is shaped like two upside down tear drops and as soon as the heart breaks, the tears fall?*

♥Blogged @

12:16 pm

♥Thursday, 19 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

went vivo with sand n ying.didnt bought anything cos jus cant find anything i like.today everything reminds me of him.both me n ying very sad today.listening to the radio n it played a song by fang da tong called love.tis is the song which he played over n over at his hse when i stayover.went vivo n tat was the place we went on our first date.took bus 188 hme n it reminded me of tat time when he send me hme for the first time.everything jus revolved ard him for the whole of today.went vivo was not to hold on but to learn to slowly let go so i wont be haunted by the past memories making me stuck in time and not wanting to move on..today is so slpy..last nite slept for less than 4 hrs.was wrking in front of the com n almost doze off in the seat.on the bus hme also almost doze off.partly was trying not to think of him so jus close my eyes n slp.nxt wed got a exam but i haven even touch or studied a single thingy.dunno when i am gonna start.plus nxt tue is the last day to register for my fyp n i haven done a thorough look thru of the proj yet.i am jus pushing things til the last min before i do something bout it...dunno wat the wkend lies ahead..i think i really gonna sit down n study for coming wed paper..but i dun think i will be so obedient to sit down n study becos i will be asking ppl out if nobody come n ask me out.today another person ask me for a fling..i got the looks meh?hmmm....everything isnt jus wat i wan....am overspending the money in my bank account.dunno nxt sem got enough money to pay for my sch fees frm tis account.if not got to ask for more frm my mum again..haiz...useless me..no goal in life...nuttin..

*I'm afraid to love afraid to love so fast, because every time I fall in love it never seems to last.*

*The weirdest thing happened in the morning... I woke up with tears in my eyes...and one rolling down my cheek... and I knew I must have been dreaming of you again.*

♥Blogged @

11:25 pm

♥

Dear Diary ♥

my heart is constricting in pain again now..its been quite sometimes since my tears last fall but when i was on my way walking hme today the same feeling come back again.now i stil got the same feeling of my heart being squeeze so tightly n it hurts.i hate it.i nv want to love another person again.i really hate the aftermath of a relationship.i really think i would prefer a fling frm nw on.no strings attached.no feelings involved.no heartbreak.jus fun.pure fun.went minds cafe today again with yippy n penguin.ytd was also spend with them shopping at bugis.it been a long time since i went on a shopping spree.its jus a mere 2 or 3 hrs n i already spend over 100 bucks.almost bought a levis jeans cos they said i look nice in it but dun really like it tat much so save the 159 bucks.bought a green tube, brown halter n black blouse frm dorothy perkins.2 nail polish.a top frm G2000.n went to a western restaurant at bugis street there to have dinner.the food taste not so bad..but the place is so hot even with air-con.on the way back..accidentally pissed yippy off n she didnt talk to us for the few stops back to khatib.tis is the first time i saw her angry with us.guess she is really too stressed.jus wanna tell her to relax more.life is like tat.although i am not fit to give advice to ppl but i dun wan to c her break down someday.today is quite busy at wrk..stil got some left over wrk to be done tmr.but jus got to leave earli cos i was meeting yippy they all..got to turn in now..tmr another day at wrk..

*I still like it. not enough to want it back,but enough to make my heart hurt*

*Everything seemed perfect, but then something strange happened, my fairytale story came to an end,we said goodbye and my heart is broken, but i still love him, yet i hate myself for loving him*

*i thought that letting go meant not feeling the pain anymore, but i guess i was wrong.*

♥Blogged @

1:11 am

♥Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

3 days didnt blog already.ytd was busy diarrhoeaing... -_- got back frm kukup in the noon..online a while then went to nap a while.woke up n went for the second run of the wk.2km tis time.cos my stomach was giving me trouble.started my first diarrhoea before the run.halfway running..stomach start to do its dancing.so came back hme n had my second diarrhoea.was too tired n retired quite earli.dunno wake up how many times in the nite to visit the loo.all the way til tis morning 10am when i got forced to wake up n go c doc yet i am so tired n shack frm running to the toilet in the middle of the nite.things got better after eating the medicine frm the doc cos since then i haven gone to the toilet yet but becos maybe i haven eaten anything yet.hahah..ate alot for the trip to kukup but i guess everything jus went in n came out. =x the trip was fun..slacking throughout..play mahjong, drank at nite, sing karaoke n eat eat eat.won 60 bucks which is enough to cover almost my whole trip.haha..they said i get more violent when i drunk but i kno wat i am saying so i am not really drunk.jus high.cos i was scolding them when playing mahjong after drinking.think i am damn sway today..was late for a proj meeting n yet when i was leaving the hse i broke a piggy bank. -_- 3rd one..any no. 4?onli heaven knos..i dun wish to kno..3 wks and 3 days has passed by n nuttin in me has changed..everything is stil at the back of my mind..jus tat i keep pushing it into one corner so tat it wont conquered my thoughts.occasionally it does..even when i am on hols in kukup.tmr gonna go sch for lessons n maybe meet up with my godbro for a free lunch.haha..but no guarantee maybe he will put me aeroplane again cos he is a busy man.its been 1 yr plus since i last saw him which is on my 21st bday.guess he wont change..stil the ah beng i kno with lots of tattoo even at tis age.hope every tmr is a better day for me..

*There are just certain people who arent meant to fit in your life no matter how much you want them to, no matter how much it hurts to say goodbye you just have to!*

*It's hard to love a person,But it's more difficult to give up and get over the person who you love.*

♥Blogged @

1:27 am

♥Saturday, 14 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

whole body aching frm the run ytd.gonna do it another time nxt wk..although whole body in pain but i love the feeling of it.maybe i mad le ba.hahah..jus came back hme frm marina square.went minds cafe again with ying, nette, huiyi, junli n alex.had lots of fun..shouted til we got no more voice.after minds cafe we walk frm boat quay to esplanade..took some photos n sat down there to admire the scenery.haha..started wrk at ying's company today n the gm offered me 7 bucks per hr!!didnt expected tat cos she initially told ying is 6.50 per hr.ying also surprised. =x was quite busy at wrk but i like it.keep me occupied n time will passed faster.y do i seems to be attracting guys younger than me nowadays..when i look so cao lao... *-* or do i look like those types tat can be easily played ard?looking forward to tmr!!kukup here i come...will onli be back on sun..got to turn in soon..haven even pack my bag but i think i'm gonna pack tmr earli morning..be back on sun..

*Days are for dreaming, nights are only good for screaming, rain is only to hide your tears*
*I guess I'm a fool for thinking that you r thinking of me.*

♥Blogged @

1:55 am

♥Thursday, 12 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

went to fisherman village to chill out last nite cos close frens dun wanna go clubbing. =( sad..onli liwen tat fren keep asking me go powerhouse when i not very close with him.after tat went to ying hse overnite again.we played some card games n had a concussion when got hitten by the bolster cos i lost!!think my mum gonna nag at me again later when she reaches hme.maybe i will disappear into the rm before she come hme.tmr ying stil ask me overnite at her hse n go out on sat together..if i were to overnite there again tmr i think tis wk i onli slp at hme for less than 4 nites?later maybe accompany a fren to watch movie as well as console him.haiz..i already zi shen nan bao stil got to console ppl when i myself cannot get out frm these shit!but no choice cos he once accompanied me when i am down.tmr starting temp wrk at ying company..at least got something to do n wont think so much..went for a 4km run jus now..first time in my life i ran so much at one time!nv even stop at all.. -_- dunno wat went through me..think i mad le..haha..will be a wkend away frm sg!!looking forward to it!!

*The worst thing a boy can do to a girl is make her fall for him with no intention of catching her.......*

♥Blogged @

7:24 pm

♥Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

i am getting frm bad to worse.getting hme in the wee hours of the morning or even not coming hme to slp.frens i met nowadays always ask me dun think so much but i also nv think at all.most of the times now i even do things without thinking not bothering about the consequences.maybe my family feels something is wrong with me but jus dunno wat.cos even if i reach hme earli i will jus lie in bed pretending to slp avoiding any conversations with anyone.if not i will be out wrk or playing til late.being an air stewardess?tats wat an air steward tell me to go try for..wat a joke!nv even have that thought before!no looks no figure..be the toilet cleaner more likely.haven been painting my nails for a very long time..wont be wrking the nxt few days so today is the best time!also wanna go for a facial soon..any gd recommendations?not too ex pls..budget..actually jus asking for comments frm ppl who read my blogs..wat do u all think of flings?post in my tagbox..seriously sometimes i jus feel like going for flings...no strings no feelings attached...nid not have to worri about feelings getting hurt..hahaha...

*Im the kinda girl who will act like nothing is wrong laugh when something isnt funny just to make someone feel good and assure ppl i'm fine and tell ppl i dont love him anymore when in truth...............*

Me: he once told me he hated me...
Friend: your still not over him?
Me: im over him trust me
Friend: if you were over him then you wouldnt care if he hated you.
Me: im really over him.. i think..

true story.. am i over him?

♥Blogged @

10:57 am

♥Tuesday, 10 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

went to minds cafe with ying, sand n jh.had quite some fun with the games there but tmr they got wrk so cant play til too late.sorry to u guys tat i didnt accompany u all on sat nite.cos its has been a long time since i met up with the gals for a drink.its been days since i last cried.n today it happened again.everything jus come back to me when i was on my way hme on the train n back at hme again.cried myself to slp n woke up at tis timing jus to write tis blog n yet tmr i stil got to go sch in the morning.i dunno wat is happening to me anymore....n there is tis weird old man who keeps msging me at wholivesnearyou whenever i am online to ask me out for a drink.he is old enough to be my father or uncle!jus feel like msging him back n tell him to fucked off but its kinda of rude so i didnt do it.words are easier said than done.feeling so sucky now..where is the life tat i used to have?y cant i find it back?the life whereby i can slp the whole day without any worries any sadness in me..now i dreaded slp..if i slept too long i will wake up refreshed but the past memories will jus flood me..if i slept not enough i will jus wake up feeling too tired to think about anything.

*The only difference between me and you is that i actually cared*

♥Blogged @

3:35 am

♥Monday, 9 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

ugly me trying to force back the tears tat is coming..

me n huiyi acting cute..

look at our messy locker..

jus got hme frm wrk..soooo tired..was sleeping all the way on the cab hme.ytd n today jus past in a blur for me..took lots of pics ytd with the gals n uploaded some here in case there wont be a chance whereby most of us are present.i'm still quite lost in watever i do...jus wan time to pass faster..i really dunno wat i wan in life anymore..i am not exactly looking for a career..definitely a NONO for love life..sch life n wrk life is confirmed wat i dread most now..i jus wanna keep going out n enjoying every single moment.so where do i stand now?tats y i said...life sucks..everybody is slogging out there studying or wrking to make more money now n in the future n to make life better.does more money means life is better?i definitely dun think so...so wat is the meaning of life?i definitely dunno now...i have been pondering over tis for the last 22 yrs of my life ever since i can think on my own.

*U once said u hated to see me cry, yet u r the one who made me cry.*

♥Blogged @

3:15 am

♥Sunday, 8 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

hmm...went to coffee club express to chill out after wrk last nite til morning 4 plus.wanted to go cafe iguana but it was quite late already n it closes at 3.anyway...firstly...did i wallow in self pity??i dun find so now...maybe yes in the past but not now...i am finding my life back n i think i am getting a life now.is drinking considered wallowing in self pity??if it is..wat about him...y dun u go tag him becos i bet he drink more than i do..got to rush for wrk now again..jus got alot to write now but there is not enough time to write out all my feelings at the moment..will be back at nite or tmr again.rushing.....................

♥Blogged @

12:39 pm

♥Saturday, 7 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

now its 070707.such a special day for couples in love and getting married.but it isnt at all for me.its been one month n one day.gonna start counting how long it tks for me.so far..2 weeks has gone by but nuttin has change in me.had a very moody day today..jus felt tat something wasnt right n i think something happened to someone.anyway no point letting my mind fuss over it cos it no longer matters.was supposed to meet a fren for a late night show but in the end not much show n i dun wan to watch till too late so i am back at hme so earli.hmm..shld i find programme for tmr nite after wrk?or shld i find programme for sun before wrk...looking forward to nxt wkend kukup trip...its drinking time again..

*A sad thing about life is when you meet someone that means a lot to you, only to find out in the end, that it wasn't bound to be and you just have to let go.*

♥Blogged @

1:15 am

♥Friday, 6 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

been slacking in my bed since 6 plus when i reach hme.jus dun feel like coming online frm 6 plus til tis timing.onli feel safe ard tis timing then i online.today another bad dream when i doze off in bed.why must keep haunting me even when i am slping.y??y??y??feel so full after the meal with qiqi at swensen.really regreted eating it.dunno y...feel like vomiting after tat but i controlled myself.my sisters are complaining to my mum that i am not eating at all at hme.haiz...hope she dun nag at me tmr cos i pretended to be slping when they r complaining to her.she bought my favourite durian for me but i didnt even touch it.it seems tat everyone is trying to help me even my new frens...lately i have been meeting up with a lot of new frens even though my frens forbid me to do so cos they say it is too dangerous but i dun care anymore.nuttin is more dangerous than wat has already happened.the danger is already over.wat more can happened???frens will keep on accompanying me sms..call me once they sense something is wrong..shower me with attention...but everything jus seems wrong..am i too reliable on tat??forgif me for tking more than i can gif to u all..

♥Blogged @

1:21 am

♥Thursday, 5 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

came to sch in the morning for a meeting with my grp members.haven been attending lectures at all.jus wasnt in the mood to.now i'm in the computer lab using the com.the whole place is so quiet n i look ard to found tat i am the onli one left in the rm.i can hear my own typing, my own breathing n even my stomach groaning.haven ate a proper meal since ytd.the onli proper meal i had was on tue, sushi with qiqi.duno y i rather sit here n use the com than go hme.cos hme is a lonely place for me.ytd my sis commented that i lose weight n i really shed off 5kg already.then she asked me y i nv wear tat necklace anymore n i jus told her the truth.went ktv last nite with a fren n he paid for the whole thingy which cost like 85 bucks.cos i couldnt find any one to accompany me go clubbing n i didnt wanna stay at hme the whole day n nite as well.n he push off his frens side to go clubbing n instead accompany me.thanks for the company.tis is the second ktv for the week.i dun think i feel like ktving lately cos whenever i sing, the tears jus came back for no reason even when i am not thinking.got to go now to print notes n to meet qiqi for lunch cum dinner.true frens r for life..n i am glad they r with me..

♥Blogged @

2:13 pm

♥Wednesday, 4 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

jus woke up not long ago.had a bad dream again.its always the same one..dream of losing someone close to me.hate slping lately but last nite was jus too tired for me.dunno wat today lies ahead of me.guess not gonna club today cos haven found any ppl to go with me yet. =( i am supposed to come up with a introduction for my group proj but i haven even started it....maybe push til tonite when i reach hme then do...haiz...dunno wat i been up to lately..gonna go out walk walk with liwen later..cos no one seems to be free today except her..ytd was not a gd day for me everything jus keep coming back...hope today will be better n nuttin will come back..

♥Blogged @

1:24 pm

♥Tuesday, 3 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

my god bro called me tis morning..n its been a long time since we last chatted.n i cried the second time for the morning.the first time was in the toilet when i first woke up cos everything jus come flooding back to me.my godbro was very shock cos all along i have been a very strong gal in his eyes.he said he didnt kno i am so vulnerable but in actual fact i am when it comes to relationship.all along i am jus hiding behind tat strong facade of mine not wanting ppl to c how weak i am so tat they wont come n hurt me.i feel bad cos i forgot to wish him happy bday ytd..kor..jus wanna wish u a happy belated bday.its been almost 4 or 5 yrs since i knew u.u have been great..hope tmr i can find clubbing khakis...its ladies nite again..jus scared to be rotting at hme again..

♥Blogged @

1:19 pm

♥

Dear Diary ♥

jus got back hme.went ktv n supper at newton.didnt wanna eat supper cos i am stil full frm dinner..but sandra still force me to eat..dinner is forced by kaiying also..but i am really really full.y they dun believe me when i say i am full nowadays.cried twice in the ktv when singing song.jus cannot help it.dunno y onli sing sad song.jus got no mood for happy songs.n it seems like all the sad song is describing me.i NV ever will ask a guy i love to go ktv with me anymore.cos i did tat twice n both relationship did not wrk out n we didnt even manage to go ktv at all.not even once.when am i gonna forget everything totally n stop crying??sometimes i jus wish tat i met with an accident n lost my memory temporarily then i wont be still sad now..n by the time i recover my memory i am over tis period..so slpy...gonna turn in for the nite..tmr is a long day nid to go sch then go wrk..wanna wrk myself til i am left with bones.tats wat guys or even parents like...skinny skinny gers..not me a plump ger..jus wanna wish kaiying a happy 22nd bday..thanks for being there for me these few days..

♥Blogged @

2:00 am

♥Monday, 2 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

jus got back frm ying chalet..n maybe going out soon again.jus dun wanna waste my day away at hme alone.drank alot n smoke abit last nite..went out for a spin with a guy fren for a while but my frens at the chalet was so worried about me tat they kept calling every 4 minutes to ask me where am i.n they even come out n search for me ard the place.they r jus worried tat something will happened to me given the state i am in because i am slightly high frm the alcohols plus before i went out i did break down once in front of them.i jus happened to doze off n dream of someone tat i dun wan to.n i woke up crying.i did tat the second time when i was in my fren car too.twice was enough for me in a nite.i am trying to stand up but i stil nid lots of time..i may appear alright but my heart is stil wrenching in pain.i believe he has gotten over me becos i believe i meant nuttin to him after the things my frens told me..n after reading his blog i feel tat he hasnt gotten over the relationship before me although he claimed he has when he was with me.maybe i am jus a substitute afterall n i think i dun mind at all.he is jus playing ard although he claimed he isnt.i didnt kno tat after so much love n effort i have put in, i onli get back a trampled heart.how i wish i am her...but i kno love cannot be forced..and wat is not meant to be urs will nv be urs..wishing him all the best tat she will come back to him soon because my heart pains when i c him hurt..but i can no longer do anything to make him forget the hurt tat is residing in his heart..love is like tis..i jus wan him happy..

♥Blogged @

2:28 pm

♥Sunday, 1 July 2007

Dear Diary ♥

i dunno wat happened anymore..we r no longer even frens.its time to stand up.my frens r jus too gd to me n keep wanting me to c his true colours.but it doesnt matter anymore which is his true colours.wat is in the past is in the past.maybe he thinks badly of me..but i dun care anymore.but pls DUN think my frens are bad or stoop to low methods.they did everything for my own gd.do u have these type of frens?maybe u have met frens tat r not truthful or superficial to u..but these r my truthful frens who have been beside me all along.they dun backstab me like urs did.maybe u shld reflect on y u have so many surface frens.they make sure they help me to stand up when i fall.they dun leave me alone like u do although u claim tat u r stil my fren.i dun nid u anymore.i only nid them.they have been there for me.this is the one thing i am proud of.in future i am not gonna let any guy hurt me like u do.i am gonna be the one hurting guys.my heart is not gonna soften.wats the point of being nice to ppl.i may not be gd enough for u n ur family now but i am gonna make sure it changes in the future.but dun be thinking tat i am stil hoping we will be back together.it will nv happened ever.i jus wan everything to be over now n forever.if u can get over it in such a short time n is so heartless y cant i do it?i can n i will.these fall maybe the hardest fall i had but it will be over in a while.n i will be standing up stronger than before.i'm gonna wrk harder towards my nxt resolution..............tat is for me to kno n for all my frens out there to c in the near future.

♥Blogged @

7:09 am